As I sat outside drinking my morning coffee, reading Lydia Millet’s wonderful book, We Loved it All, I was so struck by a passage that I took a picture of it for safe keeping and read it aloud to those sitting with me.
“Happiness is a wavering mirage that shimmers on the horizon, a promise of sudden deliverance that supports the passive attendance of our lives. Invites us to wait, wait, wait, for the perfect to manifest itself.
Descending like an angel from the clouds.
What we actually need may be something less vague and more attain-able: an embrace of the real over a constantly deferred ideal, an engagement with the precious and finite time that’s given us.
An exhilaration of presence. Not as simple as the affects happy and sad, but both and more.
And everything”.
The phrases “embrace of the real” and “an exhilaration of presence” are equally bold, frightening and inspiring.
The allure of the future and visions of a better this or that are undeniable. But Millet powerfully reminds us, it is not real. By focusing on something that might be, we take our attention away from what actually is. The result is some combination of denial, neglect, and missed opportunity.
Ironically, I found myself at yet another theme park this week. While there, I took myself out of the present to check email, where I received bad news about a future project. One that even if green lit would not find its way into the world for years. Moments later, I found myself on a roller coaster with my daughter, going upside down nine times, screaming, laughing. Embracing the reality of the moment and feeling an exhilaration of the presence.
The promise and hope of what is to come can undoubtedly be helpful. But spending too much time there is not. We see this with high school students who spend so much time worrying about getting into the right college, they don’t have any time to enjoy high school. People yearning for Prince Charming who don’t see the everyday charm of the person next to them. Well meaning others worried about the future of the planet while not spending much time tending to nature.
The past and the future are constantly calling us to look back or forward. Meanwhile, the present just stands there, hoping not to be ignored.
This week, may you find engage with the precious and finite time that’s given us and feel the exhilaration of the present.
Recommendation of the Week: Our latest episode of Attribution features a conversation with Richard Kahlenberg about his book, Class Matters. It was a deep, thoughtful conversation about higher education and affirmative action that may challenge your views on each. I hope you check it out.
Share this with someone would could benefit from spending a little more time in the present.