What do you call it when a family goes away during the summer?
In the simplest of terms, it is a trip to someplace else.
Most call it a vacation. Defined as “time away from work or school used for rest, travel or fun.” The Latin and French root of the word means to be free.
Similarly some associate this time with an escape. Others an opportunity to explore – either parts of the world or themselves.
Having just returned from two weeks away in Italy with my family – none of these terms feel quite right to me.
Seth Godin once wrote “Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don’t need to escape from.”
This is a sentiment that rings true for me. I love my work, home and most aspects of my life – so escaping this is not the goal.
Similarly, given that my wife and I still had many responsibilities while away – looking after and providing for our three children and making various choices of what to do and how to get there – it didn’t always feel particularly free.
And yes, while we did some new exploration – like visiting the wonder that is Pompeii or swimming in the open water of Sorrento- I had previously been to many of the sites and places we visited.
Instead, I would call it – to borrow a common Italian phrase, “passare del tempo in famiglia.” You don’t need to speak Italian to figure out the obvious English translation – “to spend time in family.”
The idea of “in family” is so wonderful to me. It is an active phrasing versus the more passive “with family.”
For almost two weeks we ate, walked, talked, and experienced life in the company of each other exclusively. This is distinct in comparison to the busy and distracted daily lives that often seem subconsciously designed to keep us apart.
In less than a week, we will drop our oldest off to college. Opportunities to be “in family” with all five of us will have to wait until Thanksgiving break – which feels like an eternity to me.
For comparison, during our twelve days “in family, in Italy” we ate more meals together than we will likely eat together in the next nine months combined.
Like any time, when people spend so much time together, there were inevitable moments of friction, complaints, conflicts and problems. Many of which were exacerbated by the 100 degree heat, lost luggage and concerns over a sick dog at home.
At the same time, there were many more moments for me that I will never forget; a late night conversation with my youngest about god, history and art; hanging laundry on a clothes line outside the window of our apartment in Florence with another daughter (fun fact, the place had previously been home to Napoleon’s sister, a convent and a brothel); another late night chat with my oldest helping her work through the overwhelming feelings of getting ready to go to college; stealing a kiss with my wife in the Mediterranean sea; the many laughs and stories shared over delicious meals.
Before we left, I called my Mom to say goodbye. I asked her if she wanted me to bring her anything back. Her wise and selfless reply – “No, just go spend time with your family. It all goes by too quickly. Just enjoy each other.”
And so I did.
On our last full day there, floating in the water with one of my daughters, she shared the observation that “no matter what happens, you always have a good time on vacation. As long as we’re spending time together. It’s the only thing that matters to you. You just like being with us.”
And so I do.
Now back they have scattered to the four corners of our town, sliding effortlessly into the routines and rhythms of their lives, seeing friends they’ve missed.
And here I am, sitting alone in the local library writing this, longing for the next chance for the five of us to be ‘in famiglia” again.
This Week’s Recommendation: On the very long flights, I had the opportunity to catch a few movies worth checking out – they offer reflections on life, family and how we spend our time. The Christophers, Hamnet, H is for Hawk. They were all remarkable for different reasons but moved me all the same.
Share this with your family – perhaps with an invitation to plan some time “in famiglia.”