Halloween is just around the corner. Its origin dates back over 2000 years. Its celebration in the United States is connected to the Irish Potato Famine when millions of Irish and Scots fled their homelands in search of a better life – bringing their “All Hallows” celebration with them.
The word scared did not enter our vocabulary until hundreds of years after Halloween. To be scared is to have a visceral response to what we perceive as a clear and present danger. It is a feeling connected with the present. It is not to be confused with “worry” – a what if feedback loop that is more associated with an uncertain future.
It is worth noting that the use of “scare” in writing has increased 700% since 1980.
The 1980s brought us stranger danger, fear of nuclear war and the introduction of slasher flicks. Since then the world seems like an even scarier place. This is despite the fact that by most measures it is the safest time in the history of the world to be alive.
Part of why it seems scary is because scaring people is also quite profitable, The average American spends $115 on Halloween. Horror films are the fastest growing genre in the film industry. Studies show 80-90% of news coverage is on negative events, conflict, crime, disasters, or systemic problems. Eight billion dollars are spent during a traditional election cycle intended to make you afraid of a political candidate.
When I was younger, I was scared of many things. Some for very good reasons. As I’ve gotten older I’ve tried to understand where this fear comes from. To distinguish present fear from future worry. To separate real from imagined. To appreciate what I can and cannot control. To see when someone is trying to scare me for their own gain.
So I’m no longer scared of roller coasters because statistically I understand they are generally safe and in ninety seconds I’ll be back where I started. I don’t like to watch horror movies and when I do I realize they are fake and appreciate the thrill of a jump scare. I try to avoid political news or advertising and when I do see them I understand that one is trying to turn my fear into ratings and the other to repress my instinct to vote.
When someone tries to scare me about AI, I read more to learn about how it really works – which assuages my fear. This is the equivalent of checking under your bed to make sure there are no monsters when you’re a child.
There are very real and understandable reasons why people are scared today; uncertain health diagnosis for yourself or a loved one, an immigrant in America afraid of being targeted or deported, a family in the Ukraine knowing that one person can render their defense systems useless, people living in conflict areas around the world or how have experienced assault or discrimination. All these and many more like them represent clear and present dangers. I am sorry if you are experiencing any of them and don’t mean to diminish your very real feelings.
Yet, fortunately, most of us are not living in those conditions. Still we fear.
When we are scared we can freeze or panic. We can fight or flight. The operative word is “can.” Often being scared makes us feel paralyzed but the reality is we can do something about it. We can evaluate or reduce risk. We can see who benefits from scaring us or when we are being manipulated. We can avoid those things that most scare us. We can confront our fears or find comfort in sharing them with others.
In writing this, I discovered this quiz, “How Many Things Are You Afraid Of?” It is more playful than comprehensive, yet still I find it instructive upon reflection. The first time I took it, I checked only a few boxes for what I’m currently scared of. The second time, I checked all the things I used to be scared of. The differences were pretty startling. Demonstrating that one of the hopeful things about being scared is that most of our worst fears are never realized and that even when they are we have the ability to overcome it.
Recommendation of the Week: Over the last year, I’ve been dipping in and out of the show, Shrinking. It follows a group of therapists grappling with their own issues and fears. Harrison Ford is particularly excellent in letting down his own guard and sharing his vulnerabilities as his character grapples with Parkinson’s.
Share this with a friend who might need to talk about what is scaring them.