We stood eighty-five feet off the ground, walking a hundred feet across a slender 4-inch wide beam. My six-year old daughter inched step for step in front of me until, after what seemed an eternity, we reached the platform that ended our adventure.
This all took place at the world’s tallest indoor ropes challenge course. While we were tethered to a safety harness guaranteed to stop any fall, it did not allay my fears as much as one would think. A fact that frankly is embarrassing.
After, I walked by a gift stand with t-shirts that read, “There is no such thing as fear” and “Happiness is on the other side of fear.”
These t-shirts, and my own experience, were a reminder of our uneasy relationship with the emotion of fear.
Let’s set the record straight. Fear is definitely a thing and sometimes on the other side of it are some pretty awful things. At the same time, my fear was outsized for the level of actual risk involved – heightened primarily by any fear my daughter may have experienced if she slipped.
We admire the fearless while diminishing those who express fright. Those who overcome a fear are hailed as heroes. Those whose rightful fear keeps them safe are either invisible or labeled as cowards.
The degree to which we are fearful is some cocktail of genetics, life experience and context.
Evolution dictates we are all born with some inherent sense of fear – otherwise the T-Rex would have ended us all.
We also know that those children that experience too much fear too early in life spend their adulthoods seeing bad things lurking around every corner.
On the other hand, those children encouraged to take healthy risks develop the confidence and strategies to overcome everyday fears.
As adults, context becomes everything. When and where we confront people or things impact our level of fear. A bear in a zoo is amusing. A bear in the woods is terrorizing.
Considering these variables, one would think that we would be more understanding of other people’s fears. But the reality is that we rarely even bother to understand our own.
Overcoming fear often requires belief, trust and confidence. Lacking any of the three is problematic. Gaining each is easier said than done.
Some would say we live in an especially fearful time. We are all walking on slender beams of our own making, some higher above the ground, some safety harnesses feeling more secure than others.
Fear is natural. It is personal. It is not to be judged but understood. Not admonished but appreciated. And, yes, eventually to be overcome.