“Can you please slow down?” is a common refrain on road trips. Often followed by “You don’t have to drive so fast.”
Increasingly over the last few years, long drives have become sources of tension within my family. The speed with which I drive is often hotly contested.
For context, while I am most definitely driving above the legal speed limit, I am typically within the social norm of “If you’re within 10 MPH, you’re ok.”
Still it is flouting the law and becomes an area of conflict that brews, simmers and occasionally boils over – particularly on long drives.
My resistance to slowing down is probably a combination of factors. On a practical level, I am confident that I’m still driving safely and have a good track record to show for it. I also know that on longer drives, the sooner we get to our destination the less likely there is that some other argument will break out. Given we are in a crowded car filled with five growing humans and a dog whose panting and corresponding smell can be a bit tough to take for long stretches.
On an emotional level, my resistance is the result of ego. Most people resist being told what to do or take offense with having their abilities questioned or distrusted. The visual of cars passing you – sometimes from both lanes – as silly as this sounds, can also feel emasculating.
Still on our last long trip, I decided to stop the madness. After one too many “slow downs,” I decided to hit cruise control, literally. I set the gauge to not exceed the speed limit at any time. Admittedly, I first did this out of spite. Stewing internally, like a child told that they weren’t allowed to go over to a friend’s house until their homework was done. Gradually, the feeling turned into something altogether different and unexpected… peace.
The tension in the car dissipated. I could feel it both in my shoulders and the air. I began to pay more attention to the feelings of the people in my car and less about those in my head or those of the drivers around me.
Someone once told me, “Change isn’t difficult, it is the resistance to change that causes all the pain.”
Like all things, resistance has its time and place. We should, of course, resist injustice. We should resist the efforts of others to cause pain and damage – not just to the lives of our loved ones but people everywhere. And we should provide resistance when we have the agency and resources to actually make a difference.
Too often, though, our resistance exists only in our mind. We feel heavy and burdened because it is a weight we are choosing to pick up and put down repeatedly. Despite the fact that there is little we can do with what we are carrying around.
I began to think of all the times that resistance in my mind stymied progress, happiness and peace in my own life. Often involving trivial matters, imagined futures unlikely to materialize or things well beyond my control. In these cases, my resistance served only to cause more pain and angst for me and those I love.
As we consider what’s to come in 2025 and beyond, may we all pick and choose our resistance wisely. Putting down those wasted weights of the mind so we might have the strength to provide real resistance – when it’s needed most and our actions might be able to make a difference.
This Week’s Recommendation: Many may be seeking a little inspiration to seed hope or humor to act as a diversion. On the former, might I suggest reading “The Hill We Climb” – Amanda Gorman’s inaugural poem from four years ago. It still holds up. For the latter, check out Will Ferrell’s audition tape for SNL. The humor grows over time, peaking in his last few minutes. It’s noteworthy how his bits are interspersed by moments of calm professionalism as he transitions from one to another. The fact he’s really just doing this for an audience of one, Lorne Michaels, is particularly impressive.
Consider sharing this with someone you’ve experienced some resistance with recently.