“In Fighting for Every Black Child, Did I Betray My Own?” is the title for the recent essay written by Pulitzer Prize winner Nikole Hannah-Jones.
She writes, “A decade ago, I made a decision about my daughter’s education that I hoped would challenge New York City’s separate and unequal school system. Now 16, she thinks I made the wrong choice.”
In the essay, she chronicles her best intentions to align her actions with her values, her confidence to advocate for change, and the questions now being asked by a child who knows her situation could have been better.
It also begs the question about how our own actions align with our values and if not, whether they actually help our kids and/or harm others.
Jones refused to do what most upwardly mobile or affluent young parents in New York City ultimately do – move to the suburbs largely for better schools.
Moving for better schools is an understandable choice. It is one made by myself, almost everyone I know in my village and even famous former residents, Kenneth and Mamie Clark – two African-American scholars whose own research on race and child development was used in the Supreme Court case that desegregated the schools. Their thinking was that despite their beliefs, their children have but one life to live and they did not want to make them a martyr for their cause.
Jones resisted the natural flow – moving to better circumstances to provide better opportunities for her child. But her essay makes clear that her advocacy for her daughter and other students may have helped improve conditions that all students benefited from.
Compare that with what happens in school districts that city dwellers migrate to like mine. Not satisfied with choosing a wonderful school with proven positive outcomes, we also continue to advocate. We invest in tutors, SAT prep, essay coaches, college prep services and request and receive accommodations.
It is natural to want to provide the best for your child. Obviously no child should struggle too much and any child with a learning disability should receive accommodations.
But what does it say when wealthier schools grant twice as many accommodations than poorer ones or that almost 40% of Stanford University students are granted accommodations?
The Matthew effect describes the phenomenon of compounding advantages and disadvantages. Originally taken from the Bible verse “the rich get richer…” referring to money, it also applies to fields like education – where additional support and opportunities widen the gap between the have more and have less.
What I find interesting and what I hope results from Jones’ widely shared essay, is how much of this happens in the dark. In my own village, very few people openly discuss the investments they make in their child’s education – except perhaps when we are looking for a recommendation. Only rarely have I had open conversations with other parents asking hard questions about fairness. Challenging each other over how our actions – born from good intentions or fear of failing behind – contribute to inequities that on paper we abhor. Wondering what advantage we would be willing to sacrifice for others.
It’s worth noting that in all likelihood Jones’ daughter will be just fine. She is on track to go to college and research shows that where one goes for their undergrad education has little correlation with long-term success. Her own trajectory will also be aided by her parents’ resources, social network and values. Her own experience attending schools that are more integrated by class has also proven to be advantageous for both her and her classmates.
The same would hold true for most children in my village – even if they never received any help from the cadre of extra support availed to us but inaccessible to most.
I appreciate how hard it is to square our actions to our values, but to not even have open conversations about our choices and what they mean to others should not be.
Recommendation for the Week: Have a conversation about this – either with your friends or your children. It is the least we can do.
Share this with someone with an invitation to discuss.