Yesterday, I was blindsided by a phone call letting me know that a mutual friend of ours had died.
I have been sad ever since.
To be blindsided is to be hit unexpectedly. The pain is amplified exponentially because you are wholly unprepared.
While on a rational level we know that all people die, we have an expectation that it should only happen after someone has had a chance to live a long and fulfilling life.…
Happy New Year.
Before we jump into 2024, many of us might spend some time reflecting back upon 2023. Among the many questions we ask ourselves are those related to accomplishments; What did we do? What do we have to show for the year? What did we produce?
As I look back, I feel incredibly fortunate to have worked with or been supported by so many talented, wonderful people and organizations that have allowed me to produce more than a handful of things that I can take pride in.…
Over the last year, I’ve received a few notes, emails or texts that included the specific phrase, “I appreciate you.”
Prior to this year I don’t know if I’ve ever seen, said or received those exact words in any form of communication. Now, of course, it’s quite possible that only recently have I done anything worthy enough to receive such a warm and thoughtful collection of words.…
As part of my season of giving, I asked the waitress if she could add the bill from the two police officers sitting in the adjacent booth to my tab.
Smiling, she told me that the couple by the window had already made this anonymous gesture. In turn, I asked the waitress if I could pay for that couple’s meal. That too, she said, had been taken care of.…
In the movie The Intern, Anne Hathaway plays the founder of a tech/fashion startup and Robert DeNiro is her unlikely “senior intern.” At the company’s open layout office, there is a tradition where a bell is rung to celebrate an achievement. You can ring the bell to announce that you’ve done something noteworthy or in recognition of someone else’s efforts or accomplishments. When the bell is rung, everyone stops what they’re doing for a moment to cheer or clap, before going right back to what they were doing.…
Thanks to everyone who responded to my ask to like, share, or comment on last week’s newsletter.
It was very generous of you and very much appreciated.
This morning I read this op-ed by David Brooks in the New York Times who makes a compelling case that people are, by and large, more generous than we give them credit for.
He cited a meta analysis of studies that measured people’s propensity to act generously or selfishly in various situations.…
School schedules came out this week. There was an error on my oldest daughter’s schedule and she contacted her guidance counselor to see if she could correct it.
The counselor’s initial solutions were less than ideal. They appeared, understandably, to be the easiest for the school to accommodate but not for my daughter to actually experience day-to-day.
I encouraged her to respond and ask if there were any other options.…
When you read the title of this email, the first thought you probably have is of someone who is unselfish and puts others before themselves.
A more literal interpretation of the word is the title of a new book by Brian Lowery, PhD at the Stanford University Graduate School of Business. In this provocative and accessible book, Lowery makes the case that there is no such thing as a self – inner or otherwise – that we control or create.…
This week has been marked by delays. Delays by their very nature can be maddening and disheartening – particularly when we feel as if we have no control over them and the action that is being delayed is timely.
I took the first notification “Your flight is delayed” in stride as it was only 25 minutes and a modest flight delay is predictable. By the seventh “Your flight is delayed email” we had entered the land of the surreal.…
The community turned out en masse. The line inside and outside the funeral home snaked; people waited over two hours to pay their respects to a man who was a pillar in the community for decades. The heat and the crowd swelled as the family received friends, colleagues and admirers for six hours. After texting my daughters that we’d be longer than expected and letting them know they would need to fend for themselves for dinner, one astutely noted in her reply, “a long line is a good thing.” …
I have lived a blessed life with so much to be grateful for. Perhaps naturally, my regrets are limited not to any major life decision but rather rest almost exclusively in the domain of how and when I showed up for other people.
Generally speaking I’d like to consider myself a pretty decent human being yet there are times when I have not been decent to others.…
Years ago I read about an Oakland school that was having increasing issues with student behavior. Fights and disruptions would break out with regularity and teachers were struggling to create an atmosphere conducive to learning.
The proposed solution was simple. Give the kids a break.
Many of the children were carrying to school not just their backpacks but the stress and trauma from difficult circumstances in their homes and neighborhoods.…
There are many forms and reasons for silence. Here are three for your consideration:
The first is silence that we allow ourselves. In the chaos of daily life and content at our fingertips to fill a million lifetimes, increasingly we seem to leave less time to just sit in silence. When we quiet our own minds we give ourselves the gift of self-awareness and openness. The word inspiration comes from a latin term meaning “breath into.” …
Imagine if every time you fell or failed there would be someone to catch you. If every chance you were about to take felt a little less risky. If every opportunity felt a little more attainable. If the impact of every blow born from tragedy or crisis was blunted simply by another’s presence.
How wonderful it is to know and feel like you are unconditionally supported.…
Twice I sat in my bedroom chair and wept.
Spaced over the course of a week both instances involved a question of support. In the first instance, I was overwhelmed by offers of assistance when my wife was unexpectedly hospitalized for almost a week. Friends reaching out to see if we were ok, needed anything, just to say they were here for us. One brought over dinner, another bought us a week of groceries.…
A boy tags along with his stepbrother to a casting session.
To his surprise, he is selected to do background work as an extra on a children’s show.
An assistant director sees something in the boy and begins giving him acting books as he’s never acted before. Later he offers tips on how to stand out from the crowd.
Eventually the boy becomes a regular on other children’s shows, gets a few small movies, is cast in a small but memorable part of a Quentin Tarantino movie, does some theater in Los Angeles before begin chosen to act opposite Denzel Washington in a Broadway production of The Iceman Cometh.…
You’ve probably never heard of Hody Childress. He was a stranger to me as well until I recently read of his passing and his incredible legacy of anonymous kindness.
Thirteen years ago, Hody asked his pharmacist a simple question, “Do you ever have anyone come in who can’t afford their medication?” The pharmacist replied, “All the time.” Hody responded by pulling out a folded hundred dollar bill and telling the pharmacist that the next time that happens, “Use this.”…
Try this simple exercise. On a piece of paper write down the five most important people in your life. It should be a list of people who you truly care about and enjoy spending time with. The only rule is to not include anyone you currently live with.
Now try to estimate how much time you’ve spent with each person over the last year. It should primarily be time spent in person, but if you care to include meaningful phone conversations that’s up to you.…
What a difference a week makes.
In my last note, I wrote of the many reasons for celebration in my home.
This week not so much.
My youngest daughter, encouraged by two call backs, did not get the role she was hoping for in her 5th grade play.
My middle daughter who won her first wrestling match last week, this week fractured her collarbone and is now out for the rest of the season.…
It was a week for celebration in my home.
Our oldest daughter turned 15.
Our youngest received two call backs for the 5th grade play.
Our middle daughter won her first wrestling match.
My wife won her first competitive tennis doubles match.
And my podcast won two golds – one for best interview show and another for most inspirational podcast.
When my daughter won her wrestling match, her coach picked her up in the air as teammates cheered her on.…
This is the fifty-second newsletter I’ve shared this year. The other fifty-one can be found here.
In addition, I’ve shared eight PBS podcast episodes, two NPR special programs, including Seeing Erin Hagerty – which may be the best thing I’ve made in a while
I’ve shared four published articles, including this one for Parents about how to talk to your kids about class
I’ve shared with my publisher drafts of my next two children’s books.…
When I was in my twenties, I used to say that December was “the Friday of Months.” The connotation at that time was that it was a month full of parties and festivity. It was the least productive of months. My friends and I embraced the celebratory nature of the season.
Older now, that same phrase brings with it a different meaning. Fridays and by extension December are now when you reflect back on all that you haven’t gotten done and all that you have to do.…
I sat in a half empty auditorium filled with folks whose somber looks indicated there were a thousand different places they would sooner be.
Instead, we all waited to see if we would be selected as jurors.
Jury duty is as the name indicates a duty. Even the most civic minded approach this experience with some trepidation. How long will it take? Will I be selected?…
I’ve read countless memoirs and interviewed dozens of people about their journey but none have been as honest, conflicted and raw as Acceptance by Emi Nietfeld. Her story is marked with countless issues and circumstances that she has had to overcome and her book looks to reconcile them in the context of a culture that likes these stories told in a very particular way.
Her experience in crafting her college essay is particularly telling.…
I have always considered myself a luddite – slow to adopt new technology, warning against its potential downside. Yet here I sit, typing on my MacBook Pro, Apple Watch strapped to my wrist as my iPhone plays music through a bluetooth SONOS speaker. All after another evening ended with my ass firmly planted in my couch watching mindless television wirelessly projected onto my wall.
Lamenting our use of technology is not particularly helpful.…
