I sat on a park bench having coffee with an old friend. A man came up to us asking if we had any change. In our increasingly money-less society, we did not. Still he smiled and offered a small bouquet of flowers freshly picked from the park to my friend. He complimented her, made a few mildly inappropriate jokes which resulted in a shared laugh among the three of us and went off about his day.…
Thanks to those who answered my call for support last week. It is greatly appreciated. I hope more do the same this week
There is an old adage that we should never question another person’s motive. It harkens back to medieval days when to do so was to question one’s honor and potentially end in a deadly duel. Later it was popularized by Dwight Eisenhower who believed it undermined trust.…
Recently I was watching a pivotal scene from the show Shrinking. A seventeen year old girl was confronting the man who had killed her mother in a drunk driving accident. As he was trying to explain himself and taking full responsibility for his actions, she interrupts him mid sentence and blurts out “I forgive you.” There is an incredible sense of longing in her eyes as she speaks.
The holidays are notoriously a time of year packed with sweets. Cookies, pies and candy are everywhere. But it is also a time full of a different kind of sweet. The kind produced by acts of kindness and thoughtfulness that leave us thinking or saying, “That is so sweet.”
I saw it within my children, my wife, my mom, my sister, my in-laws, and friends. It was not limited, however, to people I knew.…
‘Tis the season of lists. Lists of things to do before the holidays. Lists of things we want to accomplish in the new year. And of course Christmas lists – both of the naughty or nice variety and of course the list for gifts.
It is worth noting that people were writing lists before they were writing stories or even sentences. They were among the very first forms of writing and were used for educational purposes and then for commerce.…
As Thanksgiving approaches, I’ve been thinking about the distinction between being thankful and grateful. On one level, they may seem interchangeable – and in fact, I have probably often used them that way. On the other, there is a difference and understanding that distinction may be the key to feeling both.
In short, it appears that feeling thankful is ”typically a more immediate and situational response to a specific benefit, whereas gratitude is a deeper, more profound, and lasting attitude of appreciation.”
Last week, I was listening to a podcast about debt. While the host and guest talked about debt in the traditional sense – mortgage, loans, credit cards and negative bank balances – I was most struck by what they called invisible debt. Debt caused not by spending too much but by wanting more. It is a debt driven by desire and social comparison.
The premise of the discussion was trying to unravel the contradiction between the fact that Americans are on average both wealthier and unhappier than their counterparts living in comparable parts of the world.…
In class this week, I asked fifteen college students to write down the names of three people in the world they admired but that they didn’t know personally. Two things struck me. One, almost everyone struggled to come up with three names. Two, no person was mentioned twice.
This inquiry was spurred on from a conversation I had the previous night with a friend. We similarly struggled to find what would be today’s equivalent of Gandhi, Mandela, RBG, Mother Theresa, Eisenhower, Churchill, MLK, and Rosa Parks.…
Thank you for making it this far. The mere mention of math can sometimes turn people away.
Yet math’s role in helping us understand the world is so critical. The astrophysicist, Neil deGrasse Tyson once said, “Math is the language of the universe.”
I was thinking about math in its simplest form while reading the paper this morning. As one might expect these days, there was no shortage of bad or frustrating news.…
Last week, I enjoyed the surprisingly moving, new Marvel movie, Thunderbolts. It features a ragtag group of superheroes, united by their conflicted pasts. The primary villain in the movie – as I see it – is shame. Shame is not the name of a specific villain but a feeling that debilitates all of us – even superheroes with otherworldly powers. In the film, shame’s specter envelops those it touches – both literally and figuratively.…
“Why do they call it cologne for men and perfume for women?” was the question my youngest daughter posed to me as she lay in bed, after a long day.
My initial instinct was to offer a guess. Perhaps it’s based on where each originated geographically. She rightfully questioned this theory. Eventually, I admitted my ignorance as I really had no idea. I told her I would look it up and let her know the next day.…
I have been transfixed by stages lately. Last week, I watched three showings of Mamma Mia bathed in joy. Last night, I listened intently to the group Black Violin bend musical genres.
Stages are not limited to theaters. I love watching my children on athletic fields, delighted when hearing others call their names and cheer them on.
Stages don’t require a large audience, either. One person watching you as you are locked in on any given task in any given place, qualifies according to one Englishman’s definition.…
I was sitting unsure of what I would write today when my dog Scout began to bark. What exactly he was barking at was unclear to me.
By dog standards, Scout is not an awful barker. He barks when he senses a dog that he cannot see or sniff. Most often this involves dogs out for a walk across the street that he longingly sees while perched on our couch.…
Imagine if every time you fell or failed there would be someone to catch you. If every chance you were about to take felt a little less risky. If every opportunity felt a little more attainable. If the impact of every blow born from tragedy or crisis was blunted simply by another’s presence.
How wonderful it is to know and feel like you are unconditionally supported.…
You’ve probably never heard of Hody Childress. He was a stranger to me as well until I recently read of his passing and his incredible legacy of anonymous kindness.
Thirteen years ago, Hody asked his pharmacist a simple question, “Do you ever have anyone come in who can’t afford their medication?” The pharmacist replied, “All the time.” Hody responded by pulling out a folded hundred dollar bill and telling the pharmacist that the next time that happens, “Use this.”…
What a difference a week makes.
In my last note, I wrote of the many reasons for celebration in my home.
This week not so much.
My youngest daughter, encouraged by two call backs, did not get the role she was hoping for in her 5th grade play.
My middle daughter who won her first wrestling match last week, this week fractured her collarbone and is now out for the rest of the season.…
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Does it match the way you feel on the inside?
When you are out in the world, how do others see you? Do they make judgements on who you are or what you’re capable of?
Similarly, how do you see others? Unconsciously do you judge them for how they look rather than imagining “who they are?”…
During the World Cup, the United States played Iran. The history of these two countries is rife with conflict. The stakes for this game were high. The winner would continue in the tournament and the loser would go home. Beyond the field of play, tensions were particularly high given the current human rights issues in Iran.
Yet when the game was over, amid the victorious USA celebration there was this moving clip of a member of Team USA consoling a member of the Iranian team.…
I’ve read countless memoirs and interviewed dozens of people about their journey but none have been as honest, conflicted and raw as Acceptance by Emi Nietfeld. Her story is marked with countless issues and circumstances that she has had to overcome and her book looks to reconcile them in the context of a culture that likes these stories told in a very particular way.
Her experience in crafting her college essay is particularly telling.…
Last week, I took a few minutes to create a list of all the major things I’ve done professionally so far this year. While the list was relatively long and I felt a certain amount of pride in reflection, something was just a little off.
I tried to recall how I felt at the time each project was being created. Did I enjoy the process? Did it bring me joy?…
I have been watching the riveting and thoughtful documentary series, The Last Movie Stars – that chronicles the life and legacy of Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.
Before they were married, Newman and Woodward studied together at the Actors Studio, alongside contemporaries Marlon Brando, Marilyn Monroe and James Dean.
The first episode shares their experience in the studio. A cast of current actors, including Ethan Hawke who directs the documentary, recite The Actor’s Vow.…
Spiderman came to Hastings this week. More specifically, Tom Holland was in my town shooting a new anthology series for Apple TV. Throngs of kids lined up in a marked off area to catch a glimpse of him. When he finally arrived, clad in period 70’s garb, they screamed. Calling out his name, filming his every move, clamoring for him to come by and say hello – which to his credit he did.…
What or who do you believe in?
Beliefs can be a tricky thing. We all have them, in fact hold them dearly. Yet seldom do we explicitly state or share them. More often, beneath the surface, they inform, influence or dictate many of our actions.
Beliefs, according to the Oxford dictionary, can be defined in two ways:
One is “an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.”…
Rules for a Knight by Ethan Hawke is a charming and wisdom filled slim book. It is written as a letter that one of his ancestors left his children before heading off to a battle from which he was unsure to return. He shares twenty values that his children should live by – if they wish to be a noble knight like himself. Within each there is a brief fable that illustrates the value in practice.…
As part of my end of the year project to get both my literal and figurative “house” in order, I found myself cleaning out my dresser. The sock drawer is always the most interesting part of this chore. Seeing what miscellaneous artifacts of your previous year were stuffed in between unpaired socks always comes with some mixture of dread and surprise.
Amongst the flotsam of old receipts, lottery tickets, and cards was a plain white envelope.…
