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Stages

I have been transfixed by stages lately. Last week, I watched three showings of Mamma Mia bathed in joy. Last night, I listened intently to the group Black Violin bend musical genres.

Stages are not limited to theaters. I love watching my children on athletic fields, delighted when hearing others call their names and cheer them on.

Stages don’t require a large audience, either. One person watching you as you are locked in on any given task in any given place, qualifies according to one Englishman’s definition.…


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Smiling

Last week, I wrote down a friend’s name. The mere thought of him brought a smile to my face – the byproduct of a thousand good times together.

A few days later, I watched my daughter perform in her high school’s joyous production of Mamma Mia. I smiled through the whole first act and most of the second. At various times, I looked over at my wife and other two daughters – often exchanging knowing smiles.…


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Ho’oponopono

My wife and I have been watching the show, The Pitt lately. Each episode covers one hour of a twelve hour shift in an emergency room in a Pittsburgh hospital. The show is tremendous in every way; full of humanity and dignity.

One storyline focused on a pair of siblings trying to do what’s right by their father who is dying. At some point to help them cope with this incredibly difficult situation, the doctor introduces them to the Hawaiian concept of Ho’oponopono.…


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Attention

Pay. Give. Hold. Demand. Undivided, Limited. Deficit.

All words associated with our attention. Often parts of phrases clamoring to receive some amount of it. The words have an air of desperation to them. Presumably underscoring how difficult a task it is to receive it for any length of time.

The poet, Mary Oliver, wrote frequently of our attention. Imploring us to pay more attention to the natural world around us.…


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Immigrant

He immigrated to the United States to seek greater economic opportunities but stayed here illegally before he was given a path to citizenship. He received government assistance. He started a business, hired American workers, paid taxes, and bought a home.

These facts are not uncommon parts of an immigrant’s journey. Most come here for better opportunities. Forty percent of undocumented immigrants came here legally but overstayed their visas.…


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Love

With the celebrations and conventions of Valentine’s Day behind us, a few words on love.

It is interesting to note that although I have written these notes every week for almost ten years, I’ve never written one exclusively focused on what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. referred to as the “most durable power in the world.” It is a surprising omission. After all, what could possibly help us move up in life more than love?…


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Imagine

Have you ever wondered where your imagination comes from? I had given it little thought until recently while reading the book, Why We Remember.

It is a fascinating exploration on how our memory works but it also details how our memory and imagination are inextricably linked. In fact, both processes occur in the brain at the intersection of our hippocampus and default mode network.

Most of us don’t remember every detail of every experience (those few who do have something called Hyperthymesia).…


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Boycott

Over the last several years, I’ve made it a bit of a custom to read, listen or watch something by or about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on the holiday that celebrates his life. In the past few years, I’ve listened to his “I Have a Dream” speech, re-read “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” and watched Selma and documentaries about his life.

This year I re-watched the movie, Boycott.…


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Resistance

“Can you please slow down?” is a common refrain on road trips. Often followed by “You don’t have to drive so fast.”

Increasingly over the last few years, long drives have become sources of tension within my family. The speed with which I drive is often hotly contested.

For context, while I am most definitely driving above the legal speed limit, I am typically within the social norm of “If you’re within 10 MPH, you’re ok.”…


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Anticipation

The new year is here. With it might come some level of anxiety or excitement as we anticipate the 365 days before us.

If you are of my generation, the word anticipation might evoke this classic ketchup commercial.

The commercial draws its inspiration from this Carly Simon song.

Politically or personally you may have reason to anticipate the future with concern or fear. The world can be a scary place and the future is of course largely unknown.…


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Spirit

It happens every year around this time. Some years it takes longer than others.

At some point amid all the chaos of shopping and trying to close up the proverbial shop before the holiday break, you feel it.

It could be inspired by a song, a card, or a quiet moment with family or a night out with friends.

In my case, I was shopping at an outdoor mall.…


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Believe

“I know what it feels like to be a parent now,” my oldest daughter told me after watching her youngest sister deliver a chorus solo during the school’s winter concert. “I was so nervous,” she added.

Anxiety, nervousness and fear are three of the most nerve-wracking aspects of parenting – if not life in general. If we’re lucky they exist in a low hum in the background as we move about our days.…


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New-found

I developed a new-found appreciation for Yacht Rock, after watching this documentary that talked about the musicianship of groups like Steely Dan, Toto and The Doobie Brothers. I had no idea of their jazz underpinnings or their profound influence on so many other groups and music.

Similarly, while I had heard of the storytelling organization The Moth and listened to one or two of their stories over the years, I now have a new-found interest in their work after reading the book The Moth Presents A Point in Beauty True Stories of Holding on and Letting Go.…


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Grateful?

On Thanksgiving, many shared thoughts of people, experiences or things that they are grateful for this year. It is perhaps the best thing about the holiday. The ability to pause from our busy lives, reflect on what we’re thankful for and reach out to share our gratitude with others. A practice by the way, that is best exercised every day, especially during difficult times. As Michael J.…


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Lifetime

“Not in my lifetime,” lamented the older woman at the train station. She was looking out at the adjacent Hudson River and referring to the lack of long-promised development on our waterfront. The lack of progress over generations presumably due to some combination of owners who need to remediate it from intense pollution and contamination caused by factories long closed and a village who is happy to have it transformed into a public park but resistant to commercial or residential development. …


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Mountains

This was a particularly rocky week. Numerous curveballs and conflicts threw me off my game. One particularly challenging morning saw four major stressful situations arise before I had my first sip of coffee. Yet on that day and on every other, I managed to compartmentalize those conflicts, accept life’s inherent unfairness and unpredictability and have a semblance of a good day anyway.

I was in part inspired by a Haitian proverb that I had just read in this book by Oliver Burkeman. …


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States

Water can freeze and become ice. Ice can melt and become water again. Water can be heated and evaporates into gas. Matter constantly changing states of being.

Our emotions can similarly transform into different states, often affected similarly by turning up or down the temperature or introducing other factors that bring tension and transformation.

At the same time, much of transformation and metamorphosis comes down to what is happening internally, a level most often invisible to the eye.…


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Pressure

I don’t know where it comes from and it can be overwhelming.

I wear many, many hats. With each one of them comes a certain amount of joy and responsibility.  At any given time, I feel as if I am likely failing in one capacity or another, sometimes more.

This potential failure is a threat to my ego. My sense of self as someone who is high achieving or “can do it all.”…


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Notice

For homework, I told my students to go for a walk. The class was Creative Team Dynamics at the Parsons School of Design. I asked them to observe the interactions between people. Some may have been acting in concert towards a common goal, others in obvious conflict, while others still somewhere in between.

In class this week, they shared what they noticed. Many recalled sweet images of children with their parents or couples on a walk.…


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Zero-sum

You may have heard a lot lately about the concept of zero-sum thinking. At a very basic level, it is the idea that in order for one person (or group of people) to benefit someone else has to lose. It is a psychological concept that we all have probably felt at one time or another in our lives.

But when it comes to opportunity is it true?…


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Balance

My wife recently signed me up for a trial Tai Chi Qigong class. I was admittedly skeptical going in, but the class itself was a wonderful exercise in being present in your own mind and body. In the process, getting a better appreciation of your own sources of energy.

As part of the trial class, I also received a thirty minute consultation session after. I sat criss-cross applesauce across from the instructor, who was half my age.…


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Vacation

As you’re reading this, I am on vacation. Perhaps you are as well. Like many, the few weeks before a vacation are spent rushing around trying to clear the desk, empty the email box and remove as much work – not just off our plate but out of our mind. As part of that process, it means that I write two of these weekly posts in advance.…


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Misuse

When we think of the word misuse, we are likely to link it to things like power, money, and time. At different times in my life I have misused all the above. But what else to do we misuse to our detriment?

Last week, I was listening to a conversation between Marc Maron and the singer Jewel.  She was discussing her lifelong struggles with mental health and in particular how much she worried about being good enough or belonging.…


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Construction

As I write this, the sounds of staple guns and buzz saws echo in the background. The cacophony of construction noise coming. from the home next store is now entering its second week.

Last week, it took me twenty minutes to drive two miles to pick up my daughter from a friend’s home. The delay resulted from an unimaginable number of road closures that forced detour after detour, as road repairs were happening en masse.…


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Rules

We follow many, bend a few, flout those that rub us the wrong way, and break those that we find unfair altogether. They come in all shapes and sizes. Some unwritten, unspoken, others codified in codes of contact or law.

To not follow or break them risks everything from our own guilt, to admonishment from our peers to loss of freedom or finances.

On the other hand the rejection of others can reap the rewards of freedom, independence, gains in time or treasure, even admiration of those who admire the rebellion.…


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